Day 524. You just had a bad day, and you are angry. Or maybe people were angry at you the whole day and you become angry. Anger feeds anger, and does not solve anything. The only way to kill anger is by getting calmer. The only way to stop the yelling is by talking low. Dealing with somebody angry is by staying calm and asking clarifying questions. Anger does not support facts. The best question to ask: how can I help you?
It’s easy to lose our temper, it’s harder to stay calm. There’s no easy way to deal with our own anger, but to learn to reflect on why we are angry and by remembering that anger does not provide any solution, it just makes thing worse and creates bitterness. The calmer always wins the argument. In the end, anger is just the proof of failure, if failure needs any. Never surrender in face of anger, just smile and answer normally, anger will deflate like a leaking balloon.
Day 523 Just for the fun of it… Sunday is like no other day. It’s supposed to be a day without constraints. However, it’s not a day without some routine so you make it as productive as any other day of the week. Hey routine has not to be lame, it can be fun too. Here’s mine: lounging in bed, late breakfast, a long run in the forest with my wife (slow pace, long discussions), some gardening (there’s always something to do or to clean) under a glorious sunshine, checking kids’ homework, waterskiing, surfing or kitesurfing depending on wind condition, enjoying a nice barbeque, going back on water, and if all goes well, we can almost call it a day.
The only parallel with other days? It’s full, of action, of love and of care. Grateful!
Day 522. Everybody knows smoking kills. However, most smokers cannot stop smoking, due to the fact that smoking is an addictive drug. The reasons behind the addiction are well known and the negative health effects of tobacco are known: cancer, heart disease, aneurysms, bronchitis, emphysema, and stroke, just to name a few. Despite the risks people continue to smoke or start to smoke. The marketing effect is still very strong and smoking is seen as being cool, before it gets into your brain through nicotine.
Because of emotional and chemical reasons behind addiction, logical reasons have little to no effect on stopping. I used to smoke and some days like that while others hate it. What decided me was the two reasons described in Alan Carr’s book Easy way to stop smoking:
Tobacco is a drug and you are not responsible of your addiction to smoking beyond the first cigarettes you tried that hooked you on nicotine addiction
Entering the non-smoker’s world is a choice. In other words, you can be happy without tobacco (you are actually more happy without tobacco).
But having discussed with some smokers, even those two reasons are too rational. I came up with five that have some echoes in conversations with smokers, because they do not seem to be as rational as all the good reasons nonsmokers generally give.
Even on a party where you have drunk a little too much, if you do not smoke the next morning is much, much better. Alcohol and tobacco have an additive effect that gives these terrible headaches and horrible feeling in the mouth and throat.
If you have to choose between one year of cigarettes at home or two weeks of holidays in the Bahamas (replace by any place you would like to visit)? Why the choice? It’s the same price!
You can come back home sooner every day. An average smoker loses around one hour of productive work every day due to the pauses he/she needs. Tobacco put a high tax on your productivity.
You’ll be able to make love more and longer. Tobacco and sex are not good friends. Tobacco causes vascular problems and direct erectile dysfunction. Less tobacco means more sex.
15 times more nicotine and you’re dead. A cigarette contains around 30 mg of nicotine. If that does was half a gram, it will kill you, this is how lethal nicotine is.
Day 521. Forrest Gump was comparing life to a box of chocolate, you never know what you will get. This is why you need to always be flexible when it comes to setting expectations. And particularly when you are going to unchartered territories. In many situations in life plunging into the unknown is needed but scary. Doing things that scare you is necessary to progress. How to enjoy that plunge, you may need to change your perspective, your belief system and your expectations. Here are 9 no nonsense, but not natural, reasons to enjoy the plunge.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. The famous Nietzsche quote. Some psychologists, like Noam Shpancer in the What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Weaker article, disagree with this statement, claiming that tender love and care toughen you up not mayhem and chaos. Where others claim it’s true, like in this 2010 study titled « Whatever Does Not Kill Us: Cumulative Lifetime Adversity, Vulnerability and Resilience » whose results are available on the phys.org web site. Based on my experience, as long as no life is at stake, this statement is true and will tremendously help you to confront your fears with confidence.
Time is relative. Einstein coined this in the theory of relativity. In the field of psychology, it’s called time perception. We all have experienced this: a bad event seems to last longer than a nice one, which happen to always be too short. Keep a neuron on this, whatever happens it’s never longer or shorter than the reality of the clock ticking.
tiny is BIG. Tiny victories needs to be celebrated. If you ever walked in the complete dark in a forest and suddenly saw a light in the distance. What a relief! It’s a tiny hope, but a big relief. So ensure all minuscule victories are celebrated so you can accumulate and learn from them.
Leverage all senses. We absorb and learn by many of our senses. You cannot, for instance, learn how to ride a bicycle by just reading a book. You learn by trying and falling. Whatever you are trying to do, use a multi sensorial approach. See, write, do, feel, taste or smell if possible. Confront all your different results to enjoy the experience and learn.
Set hopes, forget expectations. As Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds once said « When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment » and as Seth Godin says « expectations are joy killer ». Hope is your North Star and moves you up.
Get ready to be surprised (positively and negatively). If you are prepared for the unexpected, no hurdles will be high enough to stop you and kill your enthusiasm.
Note down everything. The American Psychological Association published a research in the Journal of Experimental Psychology explaining why writing about stressful events cause improvements in health and psychological well-being. Take some time everyday to write about your day, your minuscule wins, your mistakes and your learnings.
Visualize the amount of learning you will be going through. A clinical study by the center of stress management of Carrboro, NC, showed an increase of white blood cell, protecting your body from infection. Many others have proven the positive effect of mental imagery to decrease stress and anxiety, and improve well-being. Tons of references could be found here. Visualizing what you are going to learn and how you are going to grow is a fantastic and exhilarating exercise.
Be ready to fail BIG. The number fear of not moving is the fear of failure. But not moving is failing. So better failing when trying that failing by not trying. Expect to fail, put failure of one of the possible outcomes. As Jon Bon Jovi said « Success is falling nine times and getting up ten ».
I have learned to love plunging into the unknown by thinking about those 9 reasons before and during the plunge. It has never been natural for me, but after some years of successes and failures, I forged those rules and applied them to any new activities. I hope they will work for you and will contribute to your comfort zone expansion.
Photograph by Stefanus Martanto Setyo Husodo – unsplash.com
Day 520. Some mornings are better than others. When you wake up to what seems to you a tough day ahead, think about those 7 smiles you can have just to remind you that it’s you and only you who have the power to see things through a positive lens.
You are alive. We have only one life and even when life throw a curve ball at us, it’s something to learn about, but hey, smile, you’re alive and it has no price.
Your morning coffee/tea. It feels good whether it’s cold outside or just dark, this hot beverage is something you like, smile at it, it feels good.
The morning sun or the morning clouds. Both are natural and necessary for life to exist. Although I love sunny days, I love to see the shape and the color of clouds, it’s full of magic. Smile at them!
The beautiful building you are seeing every day without seeing it. Habits tend to make things invisible, fight back! Look at this building or monument, and enjoy its details, colors, architecture. It’s a piece of beautiful art.
People. Smiling at people does cost a dime and is a great experience. Most people will think you are a loony, but I prefer being a smiling loony than a grinning serious guy.
Your spouse and your kid. You love them, show them. Yes, a family can have its bad moments, you may be bored, but remember how you loved them, it’s in your power to find this love again, smile at them! And if you are alone, smile at your neighbor, who knows, he/she can become closer
Nothing and everything. No need to have a reason to smile, just smile for the sake of smiling. As we say, if you cannot make it, fake it… soon this smile will pour happiness in your veins.
Scientifically proven, a smile has powerful effects. Be the change in your life and in other’s, smile!
