Day 643. Ìn her book Rising Strong, Brené Brown writes about the stories we tell ourselves when we experience any relationship. See somebody smile at you, you imagine why. Hear somebody rant to you, you imagine why. In most cases, the story you tell yourself, consciously or not, is wrong. This leads to misunderstanding, resentment and potential fights. This ends generally bad, because we pile up those stories in our bad stories bucket until it fills up and overflows. This is the ultimate fight, the divorce or the bad ending of a relationship.
You should never, ever imagine the bad in a relationship. We all know we become what we think. Imagine the bad and you’ll get the bad. Too easy? Cliché? Yes, may be, but look around you, be honest and you’ll see many evidences. When you feel bad, hear bad or see bad, ask about the real story behind. Tell you’ve been hurt, not by what was said or done, but by why you imagine it was said or done. This simple action will start the rumbling process Brené Brown talks about. This puts our vulnerabilities on a plate. However, there’s no other way to be true to ourselves and to ensure there’s no hidden message in the relationship.
It seems more difficult to start the process that to let it go. However, in the long term, we all know it’s better to prevent than to cure. It costs less time, energy and emotions. Sorting the problems sooner than later, asking the whys early and exposing our doubts immediately all lead to a better fulfilled relationship and an expansion of it. One of the twelves labours of Hercules was to clean the Augean stables in one day, this is a metaphor to clean up the mess we have accumulated in our lives. When do you start?