Vested interests and the big lies in relationship

Day 624. Like probably many of you, I receive tons of request for help emails. This is what I call relationship lies. I hate lies and love direct relationships. You want to help because you have an interest in providing help. So come to me to help and tell me upfront how helping me with help you. With this, we have a real vested interest in each other success. But you will tell me, what about free help with nothing out of it for the one who provides help? IMHO, this does not exist. For one simple reason: doing good makes us feel good. It’s a pure hormonal story. Doing good for the sake of doing good generates dopamine and serotonin in our brains, and this is making us feel good. So if you want to provide feel help, tell me it will make you feel good, and I will be happy to help you feel good.

Does it take the magic out of the relationship? No, it brings trust and openness back. It’s all about being honest on a win-win relationship. What do I win, what do you win? Sure, it may not be linked to money, profit or any mercantile transaction, but from a relationship perspective, each party has something to contribute and to win. Not acknowledging this is a blatant lie, so let’s be open from the onset. Being open about the win-win situation is agreeing uncovering potential vulnerabilities as well. It’s the price to pay to have wonderful fulfilling relationships.

To close, I do not believe everyone is ready to have this discussion, because some have personal agenda that cannot be disclosed for whatever reason. My advice? Do not accept any help if everything is not on the table. If something’s hidden, the relationship is skewed and better get out sooner than later. If you do this, you may lose some business or relationships, but you will sleep better at night.

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